Why Does Sex Haunt Me?

I heard a shout, it sounded like someone saying my name and I ran. Typically my Dad would call me while he lay in bed asking for a sandwich or a drink, so it wasn’t like it never occurred. I swung the door open and began to scream, “Ewwww. Oh my god Ewwww!” I don’t think they were calling me… My parents were getting it on and I walked in. “Get out! Don’t you knock? What’s wrong with you?” My mother yelled at me. She looked petrified. I ran out screaming, yelling, disgusted. I just saw my parents having sex.

One night my dad called for me. This time I made sure he really was calling me and not being a kinky man-whore. He asked me to make him a sandwich. It was like 1 a.m. but it’s typical of him. I ran down to the kitchen and began the process. I got the sliced bread, the cold cuts, the tomato and lettuce and began to layer everything. I needed mayo and realized we had none in the fridge. I had to go to the basement and get a new jar from the Costco storage my dad created in the back room. Note that my brother’s room was in the basement. I opened the door to the basement, and began to hop down the steps. Suddenly I realized there was hot lesbian porno on the TV. I looked down and there was my brother with his hand under his blanket. “Get the fuck out!” and I ran away, laughing hysterically. “Pervert. Jerk off,” I yelled back at him. I ran upstairs… ran to my parents room and said, “I just wanted you to know your sandwich has no mayonnaise because your son is playing with himself and won’t let me get any from the back room.” My parents looked at each other…and laughed.

Close friends of my boyfriend and I were getting married in Vegas. I was asked to host the Bachelorette party. I decided to take all the party favors and supplies in a carry-on and the suitcase with our outfits would be checked-in. When we got to the check point, we passed our carry-on through the detector and we asked to step aside. The guard asked me to remove all of the items out of the bag. “Why? I don’t want to take anything out of my bag!” I probably turned beat red and look scared to death. I didn’t have a choice if I wanted to board my flight. I unzipped my carry-on bag and opened the flap. He asked me to remove the items into the plastic containers. Out came the large 12 inch dildos and the pink, green and blue vibrators. There were feathers on sticks, blind folds, teasers, silk scarves, and boxes of flavored condoms and lubricants. Then I took out the handcuffs, nipple clasps, and whips. “This is what went off; you can’t take these on the plane.” He was holding up the handcuffs which were rimmed with leopard print, pink print and zebra prints. My boyfriend was laughing and hiding his face in his palms. I looked away, now hysterically laughing. “I am hosting a Bachelorette party. It’s not like all this is for me.” The security guard was smiling from ear to ear, looking very amused. “Ma’am you do not have to give me any explanations. This is your personal items. I can not let you go on the plane with these handcuffs.” I was pissed off now. Each pair of cuffs was worth 25 bucks, but I had to let them go or I’d miss my flight. We put our dildos, whips and chains back in our bag, zipped them up and walked away.