Dear Journal: I See The Signs

I found out that my wife was cheating on me. For years I was in denial. At first I was trying to convince myself that she wouldn’t do that to me. She told me she loved me and I thought she would never hurt me. My friends were warning me for the last 2 years that my wife may be cheating on me. But I didn’t want to believe it. My friends told me that all I have to do is look at the signs and I would see that she was cheating. So I followed their instructions and looked at the signs. Yesterday on my way home on the train, I looked up at all the signs and tried to put the pieces together that revealed my wife was cheating on me. It was a difficult task but I feel it definitely guided me in the right direction to do what I had to do.
I looked up and I saw a sign that read, “If You See Something, Say Something”, with a picture of a big duffel bag under a seat. This sign meant that if a passenger sees any suspicious bags lying idle on the floor, they should call the police or alert one of the M.T.A. workers. Ever since the attacks on September 11, 2001, the city of New York is really concerned about a terrorist placing a bomb inside of a bag and leaving it on the train. I felt that this was an important sign, but I didn’t see how this meant that my wife was cheating on me. So I kept looking for more signs.
Then I saw an advertisement for Budweiser. It had a huge picture of a glass of beer spilling over the top. It also had small writings that said This Bud’s for You and The King of Beers. This sign related to my wife just a little bit. She loves to drink beer. At home, our refrigerator is filled with Budweiser’s, Heineken’s and Corona’s. I would always try to get her to stop drinking so much. She hated when I told her that. I took this sign to mean that I was coming close to seeing the sign that meant my wife was cheating on me. So anxiously I moved on.
The next sign I saw was a sign of a Geico advertisement. This sign read, “So Easy A Caveman Could Do It” and had a picture of The Caveman. This is when I felt that my attempt to receive clues about my wife took a step back. I couldn’t find any clues in this Geico sign. I did think about the commercials and how hilarious they were. But there was also an insignificant element to the picture. I always thought the Caveman resembled my mother-in-law. That was one of the reasons it took me so long to propose to my wife. The saying goes that if you want to know how your wife would look when she gets old, look at her mother. That visual definitely frightened me.
My stop was approaching and I realized that there were no clues that led me to believe that my wife was cheating. I felt that a weight had been lifted off m shoulder and I rushed home to surprise my wife with a romantic dinner. But I was the one surprised. While opening the door, I saw my wife on the couch naked with another man. They were enjoying themselves so much; they didn’t even notice I was standing right in front of them. I grew extremely angry and I was confused on what to do. I needed a sign. So I thought about the signs on the train. I thought about the Budweiser sign. That sign told me to relax by cracking open a few beers that was in the refrigerator. After downing two six packs, I still wasn’t relaxed. I needed another sign. I thought about the Geico sign and I thought about the fact that my wife didn’t have car insurance. So I picked up my baseball bat, ran outside to my wife’s car, and began striking it until the car was totally ruined. That still didn’t make me feel any better. My wife was still getting it on with the guy on the couch. All that noise I made didn’t make them stop. They still were going at it. I didn’t know what to do and I needed another sign. So I thought about the Geico sign that read, “If You See Something, Say Something”. I thought about the suspicious bag under the seat that might’ve had a bomb in it. This was just the sign I needed. I took the advice of the sign a step further. I saw something, (My wife sleeping with another man) and I did something (Blew them the hell up!).