My Pages of Life, According to Cosmo

Captivating Volume. Audacious Curves. The Ultimate Seduction. No, it is not referring to a woman’s body, but to mascara for a woman’s freakin’ eye lashes. Great, one more thing for me to worry about when I get ready in the morning. Must have that amazing mascara now. Damn you Chanel.

Looks Like A Splurge. Feels Like A Steal. Well tell me Mr. TRESemmé, is your hair styling team going to come to my room everyday to fix my hair, making me look like I’m “oozing sexiness”.

Breathable, comfortable, keeps skin fit all day. Guaranteed. Really Clinique, then why didn’t you give me my money back when I used your shit sophomore year of high school, which made my skin break-out. Should really lose the “Guaranteed” part, ASAP!

BE DELICIOUS. Yes Donna Karan, I shall.

Natural has never been so luxurious. If so, Frédéric Fekkai, than why is it so damn expensive just to be natural.

You are unique, you are MAGNIFIQUE. Lancome, I’ve loved your scents way back when my mom wore Tresor religiously during my childhood years. But our bond has deepened now that your ad girl is my awesome bff (in my head), Anne Hathaway.

I get bored easily. I can’t even commit to shoes right now! Amen, Lauren Conrad, in every single way.

5 Times you shouldn’t text a guy. After your first few dates. When you’re drunk. When you’re angry. When you’re trying to be funny. When you’ve already texted him that day. My doubts have been confirmed, never, ever, ever, text your boyfriend when you’re angry. Even if he’s at fault, which I’m sure was the case that time in February.

What his hands are telling you. Will He Be A Cheater? Sneaky Signs He’s Dating Other Chicks. Cosmo, although your articles are quite helpful for the female audience, I think you’re pissing their boyfriends off completely.

Flattering Frocks for the: Petite, Pear-Shaped, Busty, and Full-Waisted. My question is what if you’re petite & pear-shaped? Then what? Definitely should write to Cosmo magazine.

Secret to Being a Confident Chick: Brainstorming. Where was that inner confident chick when I needed her on last month’s paper about Daniel Defoe’s Moll Flanders?

Wake up refreshed, not groggy. Note to self for tomorrow’s English 211W class.

How to Ace Anything (Without Breaking a Sweat) I sure wished that article had something on how to write a thesis paper for Melville’s Benito Cereno, and actually acing it.

Rock the Room at Karaoke. Artist: Journey. Song Title: “Don’t Stop Believin”. It’s definitely on my song list when I actually have the courage to go up on karaoke that along with Boyz 2 Men’s End of the Road.

Remember Last Summer: 1 ½ oz. Absolut Vanilla, 1 ½ oz. strawberry liqueur, 1 oz. pineapple juice, ½ oz. coconut cream, shredded coconut. Mix all ingredients except shredded coconut in a shaker with ice, and shake well. Strain into a glass. Garnish with Coconut. What should I do now? Continue my writing bug and finish the rest of my assignments, or should I go get my martini shaker and check if I have these ingredients in my liquor cabinet. It would really suck if I didn’t have all the ingredients. Well, I would just have to settle for pineapple and Malibu rum instead.