1. Become born to at least one drug-addict of a parent. You’ll need that excuse, “Addiction runs in my family” when you end up at Promises for rehab.
2. Discover your talents from the great likes of Lindsey Lohan and Britney Spears. Sure, they are great and entertainers. Just look at how each of them ended up now.
3. You’ve hit the jackpot when not only does your mother discover your “undeniable talent”, but she decides to forever become your manager in the entertainment industry.
4. Begin to perform in talent shows and beauty pageants. It is never too early to learn that little word called REJECTION.
5. When kids at school pick on you for always being in the talent shows, just tell yourself “I’ll show them when I make it big and am on TRL”.
6. After sending out your demos, and auditioning for more T.V. pilots than you can ever count, always be modest on your call back or when you get signed to a record deal.
7. From the moment you signed your first record contract, always know that your mother loves you because you’re the CASH COW of the family, and don’t ever think otherwise.
8. If numbers 1 through 7 does not apply to you. Do not fret! You can always try out for reality shows such as P. Diddy’s Making the Band 16 to be discovered like Aubrey O’Day or Brett Michaels Rock of Love.
9. Your first purchase with your new contract money should be the following: Boobs for a gal and a Cadillac Escalade for a guy. If you’re a girl coming into the entertainment mainstream, just say you’re a late bloomer and just started developing. If you’re a guy, just say you’re “Ballin’ like Little Wayne”.
10. Whether your parents or family are really scumbags or not, always buy them a house. If you happen to fail in show business, you can always relocate to the only thing that’s yours.
11. When you meet the love of your life, who also happens to be in the entertainment industry, ELOPE TO LAS VEGAS IMMEDIATELY. You’ll have time and magazine offers for your post wedding nuptials at 2 million dollars minimum.
12. Try to get pregnant ASAP. You’ll have more offers and more money coming in for the first baby pictures.
13. After 2 years, 3 months and 2 days, file for divorce over “irreconcilable differences” and make your statement to the press “We grew apart but have the upmost respect for each other”.
14. Really begin to party at all the hot spots with the likes of Paris Hilton. You can always say that the divorce got you depressed which lead to pain killers and Bingo, you’re a drug addict. (See line 1 for further instructions).
15. After rehab, redeem yourself by working your body to its upmost potential, arrive at an awards ceremony, perform your newest single and call it a COMEBACK.
16. When all is said about you in E! True Hollywood Story, live your life by the person who knows all too well what is was like to have it all, taken all away, and have the worst Public Relations agent ever. Yours Truly…..Marie Antoinette
“I have seen all, I have heard all, I have forgotten all.”
Marie Antoinette
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This essay is very well-written and quite amusing. I say that is is amusing because it pokes fun at celebraties such as Britney Spears and the a few others like her. Although i happen to like Britney, what happened is true and i cannot deny that just because i am a fan. What is, is. I like how the author of this piece wrote these rules in chronological order. I think it works very well in this case since that is how is happens in the life of a famous person. The writer of this piece, i think is trying to show how being famous is not all that it is made out to be. It is difficult to get to the top and even more difficult to remain there. It is actually almost impossible because it is all about making it, being brought down by the jealous and mean people of this world, and then attempting to get it all back. All in all, the quote by Marie Antoinette, "I have seen all, I have heard all, I have forgotten all." is the perfect summary and ending for this topic and piece.
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