Comedic

The Three N's

So there's this blonde she walks into Walmart and asks the guy for computer curtains, he explains to her that computers don't have curtains and she says "Hello I got Windows". After that hilarious joke, I recall running off the stage and I never looked at my acting teacher the same way again. I have a feeling this incident caused my acting "career" to completely freeze through almost all four years of high school. Perhaps it was the joke itself, I should have stuck to the one about the jew and the priest. I'm sure my jewish teacher would have cast me with that one. No, maybe it was the fact that i stood there dumbfounded trying to remember my name for the audition introduction. Right, and after 2 minutes of silence (my joke was over and I was still smiling) the girl to his right gave me this unmistakable look that might have meant "Is this bitch fucking serious?", that was my cue to "be out".
Earlier that month, Mr. Bennett announced that auditions for "The Odd Couple" were right around the corner. He explained that whoever was interested in auditioning should come on any of the three available days, take a number, and once called upon simply go on stage and either: perform a monologue (which is nothing more than an uncomfortable 5 minutes of you speaking and the audience staring), make up a speech as if from the character's point of view, or tell nice a joke (again, as the character would). I remember he spoke to me after class that I should audition for the 40 year old "funny lady" that was vain and sarcastic. I wasn't sure, but that might have been a compliment.
I spent two whole weeks memorizing a monologue about a woman trying to think of a way to kill her rich husband, and whether burying him in the neighbor's backyard would be a good idea. I figured it would somehow match the required vanity and Lola's sarcastic tone. I tried to cheat, so I showed Mr. Bennett the monologue and he said "whenever in doubt, tell a joke". Fair enough, a joke was a decent idea, the problem was that I have always been well aware that I am not a funny person. I mean, tripping and falling flat on your face while leaving Muvico Palace in heels with your date, falls more into the embarrassing category. And besides people who find spongebob funny are down right retarded when it comes to humor.
Number 36? Nice, I had 36 chances of not getting the part. I remember there was something wrong with the theatre hall itself. I'm still not sure if it was the weird group of Emos standing first in line soaking up each others' depression or the obsessive amount of colored paper arrows taped all the over the corridor floor and walls that read "ODD COUPLE AUDITION THIS WAY". No shit Sherlock. I felt like I was in McDonald's again, staring at the red footsteps that show kids which way to the playroom, as if they won't see their loser friends and find the toys on their own. Finally, I was next in line. This point on is still a blur. My crooked memories make it hard to distinguish what came first, nervousness, nausea, or numbness.
I was center stage blinded by the light, Mr. Bennett gave me the "nod" that meant "start"; this was nervousness. I forgot my name and introduced myself as my character Lola and gave her birthdate instead of mine; this was numbness. Then I blurted out the blonde joke (note: the student casting director next to Bennett was a blonde), and after a confused sound that was definitely not clapping (picture 5 people looking at each other trying to decide what to say or do), I ran out; this was nausea. I personally think you can reorder the three N's but that doesn't change much...